Jackie Kennedy

Jackie Kennedy told her new sister-in-law
"Don't worry. Every man cheats."
We must simply keep our chins high
and remember our place.

But Walt Disney taught that if a woman 
is pure, and chaste, and obedient,
her reward would be a handsome prince
and a castle. But that's where the story ends.

My mother taught me, "If he ever hits you,
You leave him immediately. She never
said I could leave if the punches were with
words, so I stayed to honor my vow.

My grandmother taught me that loose
women wore bikinis and that the worst
thing she could think of was to what lengths a woman
had to do in order to wear it without showing
any hair. That was the most deplorable to her!

Other women friends share that having a secret 
credit card account is the best thing they've ever
done. They have to keep up with the mail to
support their deception, but hey! It saves the marriage.

My sister's grandmother-in-law told me that 
women must sacrifice everything to keep the 
marriage in tact for the sake of the children. I
didn't have the heart to ask, "But he doesn't
want to stay, so now what?"

I teach my son to forgive because that is 
the only way to free oneself from bondage,
yet my own home is a prison of fear that 
I create from the shadows of my painful
past--coupled with the injustice of a
husband's deafened ear to equality
and his walled-up heart preserved only
for his little princess.

My son says, "I don't ever want to be
a jerk dad or a jerk husband."

Last Day to Live, Revised

When the blood clot
rose to my lung,
the doctor said,
"Go to the ER now!"
I asked,
"Can't I just go in Monday?"

After being admitted
into the hospital to
thin my blood,
three weeks of
self-administered shots
to the stomach
followed. I
decided I'd rather
die
than keep doing that!

Death, an option?
Score!
I'd gladly go today,
but first,
let me write a few
thank you emails.

I would thank the
Jennifers for all of the laughs,
and loving me through the
drama of teenage-dom!

Thank you to Karen, TC and Patrice
for listening when I'm sure
you didn't want to.

Thanks to all of the dancers,
big, tall, small, and cute,
who brightened each dance
practice with music and
rhythm.

Hvala Lepa, ljudmi
v Sloveniji, za Bridget,
Allison, and Zorica, za
ljubezen, ki ste mi jo delili.

Thank you to Kim
for watching my son
through the divorce years,
and thank you to my parents
for teaching and nurturing me
in the ways of the Lord.

Thank you to my husband,
who saved me from the living
Demon who afflicted me for so long,
and then brought light into my heart
which had been darkened.

And to my son, who bore every
burden with me in the names
of loyalty and love without
failing.

My Wish

I wish
my husband
would wrap me
in his arms
And kiss away
my fears that
are locked up 
in my tears;
But he just says,
"I can't
help you
with that."

Last Day to Live?

What would you do if you knew today was your last?

I probably wouldn't do anything 
different. If it were a Monday, 
I'd go to work and act like nothing 
was going to change. 
I hate good-byes. 
I hate finality. 

I wouldn't want to make things 
worse by scaring anyone, or 
acting like anything were any different.   
You live the way you die, I think. 

I don't believe in death-bed repentance
Or death-bed forgiveness.   
Things are the way they are
because I either created it 
Or procrastinated it and 
I should own it 
no matter if this is my first day 
Or my last. I don't want people 
to remember my last moment 
because I want my whole life 
to speak for itself 
and a person can't do that 
in one day, unless of course 
we only had one day to live. . . .

Rolling the Dice

Sometimes the happiest people 
also suffer the greatest depression.  
It is through the agonizing pain 
that they appreciate the blissful good.  
It is from this that appreciation is gained 
and lifts them higher when
breaking out of the darkness within. 

Peace can seem like boredom 
to these people.  It's only after a couple of 
decades of this 
revolving see-saw ride 
that balance 
and peace sound more thrilling.  

But what about those 
who always experience peace 
and never exuberant joy 
or devastating despondency?  
Do they really live?  

Who breathes in more life?
the bungee jumper 
or the couch potato? 
Who understand the human core better:
the preacher or the sinner? 

Is success measured by numbers 
in the bank or the number 
of children one bears?  

"It's all sixes," he would say.  
"Life hands you the dice 
and you roll 'em, baby!"
But what if some let others 
roll their dice for them?

"And some also steal others' dice 
and roll without permission," I say.

He says, "I guess it's the "why" we roll 
or don't roll that defines us."

Twisted Sonnet

I run down an abandoned city street.

Nothing seems to be living.  All is dead.

I see someone standing behind a fleet

of blue trucks parked among those who have fled.

My mind becomes dizzy as I twist, turn.

The empty hole within my chest explodes.

Confusion overwhelms, my insides burn,

I vomit! Hyper-ventilation slows.

Recovering, I see the tall man run.

He ducks into an alley, disappears,

escaping pursuit, our song still unsung.

The streets turn from concrete to dull mirrors

And all the while I walk alone to chase

him into the darkness that hides his face.

The Destroyer

Oh, Pride!
What deceitfulness will I yield to today?
You are pleasantly satisfying when no compliments reign near,
But catastrophic in mood and deed!

You play on our fancies and
intoxicate our minds with visions of glory
False visions, fake understandings,
wasteful thoughts of phantom success.

The only thing left behind you is lonely nothingness.