Swallowed Up

In life, you're either Pac-man or the pellets, and
The ghosts are your own demons.

Until the Next Fight

For some reason, this is how it always goes

on days like this. Days like this?

You know the days that you’re sitting at your desk

at work and you wonder if everything is

going to be ok at home?

Because last night was hell.

It usually starts with someone being tired

or angry because of the day’s stresses

and then the other person has had enough.

Enough of the whining,

enough of feeling the negativity

enough of the bitterness and Snap!

We’re off to the couple’s verbal boxing match!

Words are said.

Walls are built.

Trust is destroyed

and neither one can sleep.

So the fighting continues in bed until someone

blows their top and then there’s silence.

Regret meets the first early riser,

which is usually me,

and I wind up on my knees praying for

a miracle of healing to douse smoldering embers

from the night before.

My heart usually repents and finds peace,

but the day remains to be seen.

Will he text?

Will everything be ok?

Until the next fight,

sure it will.  Right?

But the fire is always about the same things

over and over again until someone

accepts the plight that won’t be corrected,

the sin that won’t be repented,

or the pride that won’t be humbled.

Then the pot simmers and slowly dies.

Until the next fight.

Step-Family Sanity

My husband gets to see his children every other weekend and on alternating holidays. They live about an hour's drive away from us and he does his best to also make it to football games, dance recitals, and award ceremonies whenever work and schedules allow. Like any devoted parent, he misses his children to the point of heartache an grieves deeply when he hasn't been able to see them between the two-week-period visits. Seeing this, I've done my best to plan and prepare every needful thing for their visits so everyone can have an enjoyable time together. Not everything always comes off perfectly, though; and, that's to be expected in life in general--not just when dealing with step-families. But for some reason, every little thing that doesn't go according to plan seems to turn into an even bigger issue than it needs to be and we all can become fed up with the whole thing.

Historically, there doesn't seem to be a lot of help out there with regard to step-parenting; but, volumes of resources are emerging in our wonderfully convenient digital age. I bought a book a few years ago about being a step-mother and how to be successful as one, but I felt like it was too much of a cookie-cutter self-help book that was written on a 3rd grade reading level without solid data or realistic examples to back it up.  So, I went to YouTube. There are some great videos on YouTube to help with marriage and step-parenting that have helped me to understand more fully my role as a step-mom. Ron Deal seems to be the largest mover and shaker in the step-family field today. He has some great videos, seminars and conferences that focus on the success of step-families.  His website is  http://thesmartstepfamily.com/index.php  which also has products likes books and DVDs for sale on the site.

Resume Updated

Tina Bishop Crawford

Email: tjcrawford2008@gmail.com

Christina.crawford@washk12.org

Goal: To provide the best possible education for students in Language Arts that will prepare them for College entrance tests, College, and the Work Force through engaging and enthusiastic units of instruction and assessment.

           

Education:

           

            2013- Present – Completing Reading Endorsement Program.

            2011-Present – eNotes.com Educator           

2009-2012 – Master of Education from Southern Utah University.

           

2008-2009 – Received ESL Endorsement.

2005-2006- Graduate Educator’s Licensure Program – Master Credits obtained at Southern Utah University.

           

1994-1999 – BA Degree in English and Political Science from SUU.

           

1990-1994 – Graduate of Cedar High School.

Work History:

            2008-Present -  Pine View Middle School – ESL Coordinator (2 years)      

            2011-Present – eNotes. Educator and Editor

2007-2008  - Pine View High School – English 10^th & 11^th Grade.

2006-2007 – SUCCESS Academy – Honors English 9^th & 10^th .

           

2003-2005 – Self-employed dance teacher in Elko, Nevada

           

2004-2005 – Dance Team Coach for Spring Creek High School, Nevada.

1998-2002 – Legal Secretary for Willard R. Bishop, P.C. and Southern Minnesota Regional Legal Services.

             

Languages:

Slovene and some Spanish.    

Jackie Kennedy

Jackie Kennedy told her new sister-in-law
"Don't worry. Every man cheats."
We must simply keep our chins high
and remember our place.

But Walt Disney taught that if a woman 
is pure, and chaste, and obedient,
her reward would be a handsome prince
and a castle. But that's where the story ends.

My mother taught me, "If he ever hits you,
You leave him immediately. She never
said I could leave if the punches were with
words, so I stayed to honor my vow.

My grandmother taught me that loose
women wore bikinis and that the worst
thing she could think of was to what lengths a woman
had to do in order to wear it without showing
any hair. That was the most deplorable to her!

Other women friends share that having a secret 
credit card account is the best thing they've ever
done. They have to keep up with the mail to
support their deception, but hey! It saves the marriage.

My sister's grandmother-in-law told me that 
women must sacrifice everything to keep the 
marriage in tact for the sake of the children. I
didn't have the heart to ask, "But he doesn't
want to stay, so now what?"

I teach my son to forgive because that is 
the only way to free oneself from bondage,
yet my own home is a prison of fear that 
I create from the shadows of my painful
past--coupled with the injustice of a
husband's deafened ear to equality
and his walled-up heart preserved only
for his little princess.

My son says, "I don't ever want to be
a jerk dad or a jerk husband."

Last Day to Live, Revised

When the blood clot
rose to my lung,
the doctor said,
"Go to the ER now!"
I asked,
"Can't I just go in Monday?"

After being admitted
into the hospital to
thin my blood,
three weeks of
self-administered shots
to the stomach
followed. I
decided I'd rather
die
than keep doing that!

Death, an option?
Score!
I'd gladly go today,
but first,
let me write a few
thank you emails.

I would thank the
Jennifers for all of the laughs,
and loving me through the
drama of teenage-dom!

Thank you to Karen, TC and Patrice
for listening when I'm sure
you didn't want to.

Thanks to all of the dancers,
big, tall, small, and cute,
who brightened each dance
practice with music and
rhythm.

Hvala Lepa, ljudmi
v Sloveniji, za Bridget,
Allison, and Zorica, za
ljubezen, ki ste mi jo delili.

Thank you to Kim
for watching my son
through the divorce years,
and thank you to my parents
for teaching and nurturing me
in the ways of the Lord.

Thank you to my husband,
who saved me from the living
Demon who afflicted me for so long,
and then brought light into my heart
which had been darkened.

And to my son, who bore every
burden with me in the names
of loyalty and love without
failing.

My Wish

I wish
my husband
would wrap me
in his arms
And kiss away
my fears that
are locked up 
in my tears;
But he just says,
"I can't
help you
with that."

Last Day to Live?

What would you do if you knew today was your last?

I probably wouldn't do anything 
different. If it were a Monday, 
I'd go to work and act like nothing 
was going to change. 
I hate good-byes. 
I hate finality. 

I wouldn't want to make things 
worse by scaring anyone, or 
acting like anything were any different.   
You live the way you die, I think. 

I don't believe in death-bed repentance
Or death-bed forgiveness.   
Things are the way they are
because I either created it 
Or procrastinated it and 
I should own it 
no matter if this is my first day 
Or my last. I don't want people 
to remember my last moment 
because I want my whole life 
to speak for itself 
and a person can't do that 
in one day, unless of course 
we only had one day to live. . . .

Rolling the Dice

Sometimes the happiest people 
also suffer the greatest depression.  
It is through the agonizing pain 
that they appreciate the blissful good.  
It is from this that appreciation is gained 
and lifts them higher when
breaking out of the darkness within. 

Peace can seem like boredom 
to these people.  It's only after a couple of 
decades of this 
revolving see-saw ride 
that balance 
and peace sound more thrilling.  

But what about those 
who always experience peace 
and never exuberant joy 
or devastating despondency?  
Do they really live?  

Who breathes in more life?
the bungee jumper 
or the couch potato? 
Who understand the human core better:
the preacher or the sinner? 

Is success measured by numbers 
in the bank or the number 
of children one bears?  

"It's all sixes," he would say.  
"Life hands you the dice 
and you roll 'em, baby!"
But what if some let others 
roll their dice for them?

"And some also steal others' dice 
and roll without permission," I say.

He says, "I guess it's the "why" we roll 
or don't roll that defines us."

Twisted Sonnet

I run down an abandoned city street.

Nothing seems to be living.  All is dead.

I see someone standing behind a fleet

of blue trucks parked among those who have fled.

My mind becomes dizzy as I twist, turn.

The empty hole within my chest explodes.

Confusion overwhelms, my insides burn,

I vomit! Hyper-ventilation slows.

Recovering, I see the tall man run.

He ducks into an alley, disappears,

escaping pursuit, our song still unsung.

The streets turn from concrete to dull mirrors

And all the while I walk alone to chase

him into the darkness that hides his face.

The Destroyer

Oh, Pride!
What deceitfulness will I yield to today?
You are pleasantly satisfying when no compliments reign near,
But catastrophic in mood and deed!

You play on our fancies and
intoxicate our minds with visions of glory
False visions, fake understandings,
wasteful thoughts of phantom success.

The only thing left behind you is lonely nothingness.

The Mint-Lady

The Mint-Lady




The fast food restaurant stands on the corner
Just off to the right from the lonely exit.
The old lady who works there has white hair.
She tucks those long, curly, fly-away strings

Under her black baseball cap as
She cleans the untouched, unused, and unvisited
Surfaces of tables and chairs.
Excitement rises in her heart when

A young family enters
Happily and hungry,
To stay awhile.
Waiting by the trash bin,
She picks up her brown
Wicker basket that she brings from
Home each day.
Wrapped mints lie in anticipation to be
Accepted and enjoyed after meals.
Her glasses reflect each
Hungry traveler’s face

As she happily approaches.
She smiles and a sweet voice reaches out
From among the Solitude,
“Take a mint for the road?”

Piggy-back

Piggy-Back

My toddler’s feet are size seven.
So tiny, plump, smooth.
When I lift him up
From the wet sandbox,
Muddy wood chips
Sprinkle the grass
As I swing him on my back.
Small fingers sift my hair
Rather than hold onto
My shoulders for
Balance.
He slips and
Starts to fall.
But I always catch him.
Back on top and
Balance
Made much stronger,
The green-vined exit,
Doesn’t seem much
Farther.

Text

Text: Today
I thought of you
and smiled.

Listening

Learning Cannot Happen
when your lips are still
Flappin'

One-Sentence Poetry (6-10 words)

Teacher

My gift is
unnoticed in the present,
and never returned.

One-Sentence Poetry (6-10 words)

Ultimately,
Your words don't
hurt as much as your
Silence.

Poetry 2005 - 2006

Created 7/3/05

Lament

If I’d held my tongue a little longer,
And used it to search him, and to know him,
Our life’s love would have been so much stronger,
And not tossed to and fro on waves so slim.
Now he walks as the Wanderer, quite lost,
Seeking and searching for something known not.
Inferno’s blaze stretches higher, the cost
Too high. Too high! The game plays as a plot.
The little one caught in the middle, sighs,
“What brings such hate and what takes him away?”
The answers lie on the cold floor ‘neath cries,
Cries of mother begging father to stay.
The reasons obscure through the stinging slam
The door as he goes without thought nor Damn!

At Night
Twisting and turning, yearning and churning
Crawling and sulking, knowing not the end.
Shaking and quaking, learning and burning,
Questions swirling and twirling with no mend.
Running and looking, hiding, not finding.
Fixing and fixing and fixing non-stop.
The clock stops at five, no one is winding
It up to continue what was to drop.
No one is checking to further the time.
No one is trying to change what was lost.
The ticker has stopped and never will chime.
Yet, I lay here, love changed cold as the frost.
Where are the days when the sun’s rays glow bright,
Guided the living, love’s path paved in sight?

Questions
If the song in the firmament came forth,
And the melody brought sweetness of worth,
Would the angels, God’s glory, penetrate
His heart? Would love from memories create
What could have, should have demonstrated?
Can all forgiveness replace the traded?
Can the lies and deceit flutter away?
If not, then what is life, but prorated.
Will wrong be made right when from earth we go?
Or will we remain in the state that we show?
Does he know the right perspective in life,
When for selfish reasons he leaves his wife?
Does the grass grow so much thicker out there,
When the good road keeps going on from here?

Too Late
Where would the Son be without his Father?
Where would the trees be without a maker?
Where would the woman go for comfort sure,
If the husband drags her into manure?
What does the boy learn when the door slams shut?
Does he replay it later? Pounce and strut?
When a rooster pecks at so many hens,
Inevitable, he’ll leap from the pen.
Will the son find “dad” as mediocre,
Better than “dad” he becomes moreover.
Not searching beyond rainbows for treasure.
Not eyeing another for mere pleasure.
Do life’s treasures fly when the wind blows past?
Will your heart remind you of home at last?

Song of Hope
Around the corner, underneath a rock
There is no more pain, there is no more shock.
Relief from the blazes of Hades I’ll feel
Straight on the path, no where else will I reel.
Fresh as the morning breeze I awake,
From love’s lost labors, no more will I fake.
Crisp and new, the dew from the spring
Of Life refreshes and breathes new thinking.
Onward and upward the mountain; success!
There will be no stopping, no settling for less.
The strength and power that starts at the heart,
Will burn and energize the new life’s part.
Circle of life, survival the fittest,
The trophy is there, and there for the best.


Divorced

I still feel you.
If I can’t see you, and I’m working,
I’m ok, I forget.
But I can’t sit next to you and not remember.
I can’t see you and not want to touch you.
I can’t sense you and not be drawn to you.
I know you, yet I am continually presented with
Shadows.

Ghosts

If you ever wanted to know what
Your wife and son would feel if you were dead, I’m an
Expert, and so is your son.
You haunt me once a week on pick up and drop offs.
You are always there. At least with death it would be over.
With death, the shadows would be colorful and not colorless.
With death, you would have seemed glorified in honor,
But now you are only glorified in lies.

Haunt somewhere else. A piece of paper won’t set me free.
You are free because you chose to be free.
Now, you infringe yourself upon my life as a living ghost.
Without purpose, and wander
Whithersoever you please until you swoop down
To haunt again. You call it visitation.
I call it a nightmare.

Asleep

The dreams start with happiness,
Chocolate shakes, chocolate bars
Chocolate syrup.
Then the chocolate turns bitter and
The Sweetness decays, corrupts and confuses.

Talk 11/7/09

The Love of God in My Life

I have been very fortunate in my life to be able to come to know my Heavenly Father and his Son Jesus Christ on a personal level. I have felt them so close to me at different times in my life that I really start to wonder what I’m doing wrong in my life when they aren’t so close to me. The path to obtaining that relationship is nothing any more special than anyone else’s story except for the fact that it is mine. Many here, I’m sure, have had similar experiences like mine, so I hope that the stories I’ve chosen to share help you to remember the defining moments that you have had with the Savior in your life.

1. One of the first times that I ever felt the loving arms of my Heavenly Father around me was after reading an Ensign article about a dad that prayed over his son every morning at 4 a.m. before he left for work. I wondered how anyone could love another person so much as to pray over them. The Spirit seemed to hug me and say, “That’s how I love you.”(16 years old)

2. Wisdom Teeth Blessing (19 years old). The night before I had my wisdom teeth taken out my father gave me a blessing that my mouth wouldn’t bleed too much and that my mouth would heal quickly. But the major pain came when I had a reaction to the pain medication, threw up excessively and came down with a high fever.

For two days I fought the sickness and wrestled with it until I barely had the ability to move or fight any further. My father and brother in law came down to me lying on the floor in front of the wood-burning stove and gave me a blessing to heal the nausea and fever. My daddy then picked me up and carried me to my bed, but the pain was so bad that I thought that death was the only way out. I prayed and told my Heavenly Father that if he wanted me to suffer such pain, I would do it for him. I would do whatever he wanted me to do if it was his will. Immediately, the pain and the sickness seemed to lift off of my body and float heavenward. I felt like I had passed some sort of test of obedience and loyalty! The relief I felt was so freeing that I praised my Heavenly Father. The next morning my dad was shocked to see me up and walking around ready to go to work.

3. MTC Blessing –

4. I went on a mission to learn to love others and came home at peace knowing that that miracle had happened.

5. After a spiritually traumatizing divorce which started because of the fiery darts of the adversary penetrating to the core of decency and respect for marriage, I had a dream that made me think that I saw a bright outline or image of the face of the Savior. It was as if his face were burning with fire, but it was the bright light of the Love of God shining through his Son . . . at me. Then he smiled . . . at me. And he didn’t have to say anything, I just knew in my mind and felt in my heart that He loved me and he wanted me to know it. He wanted me to know that he knew the pain that I felt as a result of the deception, lying and cheating that broke the spine of an everlasting covenant. But along with that came the reassuring feeling that everything was going to be ok for me and my two year old son because He made it alright and He had been and would always be there to lift me up as I lifted my son and myself up to face the world alone.

The image faded away and I was left calm and strengthened to face the challenges of single-motherhood.

I’ve already found the Love of God in my life and had so many experiences with it. I have taken it for granted and forgotten to practice it, though, when times are prosperous.

The question is, how do we possess that same love of God, maintain it and practice it more and more each day? We have to practice it or it disintegrates. Making a list of things that we can do to serve others around us helps, but for me it is a daily battle over thinking of self to thinking of others. No, it is a minute-by-minute battle. I have to constantly remind myself to make the right decisions as the Savior would have me.

Marriage and family are great places to start. Since gaining a second chance of having a husband, I have had the opportunity many times to stop thinking of myself and think of him. As I think of him or do things for him, I find that my son and I also benefit. For example, I didn’t cook much when it was just my son and I. I would throw on some spaghetti and call it good. My husband requires his kids to each a few carrots and apples at each meal. It’s easy and they like it if they dip it into some ranch dressing. He also gives them vitamins which I started to do with my son because of his example. My laziness in motherhood has diminished as I follow his example and practice what I have learned.

Also concerning marriage, it is so precious and so fragile, and divorce is so painful and long lasting, that I don’t want to go through that again. Nor do I want to be part of the problem that I go through it again and selfishness is the first thing that puts a wedge between a couple. The absolute hard part is to keep putting the other person first when it seems like your partner is being selfish. I don’t get it right every time, but the times that I just shut my mouth and continue serving with love are the times I feel better about myself and my husband.

When we achieve our goals and live within our value systems, we become more confident and loving towards ourselves. When we feel love for ourselves, we have the strength and desire to show love to others. When we act on the desire to show love to others we then complete the cycle of the love of God.

It’s not just his love for us that is so amazing, it’s the fact that we as his children have the power and ability to feel that love and share it with others. We don’t have time to worry about embarrassment or shyness. We are at war with Satan and the more love we spread the more hearts will turn to our Heavenly Father with faith and hope and generations will be blessed.

How blessed we are to know and feel through the Holy Ghost the love of the Master and his Father. How privileged we are to have that love and to be able to go out and share it with others in big ways and in little ways. What a responsibility we have to share that love to those who are not worthy to feel the comfort of the Holy Ghost or the Love of the Father because of sin or lack of faith. We can do it brothers and sisters. We have to. We need the help of each other to get back to our Heavenly Father together. We need each other.

Cocoa and Toast

Cocoa and Toast

Swiss Miss is fine for camping,
But hot milk and Nesquik are the way to go
For a woman’s need to soothe cramping.
Add a warm piece of crisp toast with creamy butter
And the evening winds down nice and slow.

It started back before I was born
As my mother began the comforting ritual.
Start with a paper towel placed on the corner
Of the countertop, next to the green toaster.

Reach into the tin, silver bread box,
To select the puffy white slice,
Breathe in when the toaster lever locks.
Exhale and repeat as it toasts up nice.

Pour the creamy milk into a favorite mug
Along with three heaping scoops of the powder.
Stir and then microwave for 90 seconds until
The steamy goodness surrenders the chug
To a deliberate process that avoids burning
The tongue’s anxiousness.